I don't really remember my initial reaction when my SIL asked me to do this hair challenge. I do remember the reasons why I signed on.
I guess you could say that since I was diagnosed with caner in 2008 I haven't felt like myself. I went from feeling like a young 23 year old newlywed to feeling like a damaged, scarred woman. A woman that I did not know.
The 6 months following my neck dissection and partial tongue glossectomy I was completely lost. I can remember collecting all the pictures for the post that I did on my progress after surgery and thinking to myself that I will never be the same person again. Everything from looking, sounding, feeling like "myself" would never be the same. Add chemo, radiation, another neck dissection scar, feeding tube & port scars...and the big ticket item of loosing my hair...I was looking at myself in the mirror only to see yet a totally different woman than the last.
A woman with a speech impediment, a totally different face shape, edema, half my hair, and some not so great looking scars.
No, I did not loose all my hair but there is no other feeling that can compare to standing in the shower pulling out chunks of hair...Feeling like the last little part of my identity that I could recognize was being stripped from me....My long hair is something that had been with me for so long...I felt like it was a big part of me.
I say this as the woman I have become and I am still struggling to get to know....I did not choose cancer. It chose me. I did not choose to cut my hair off. It was taken from me...This challenge was a desperate attempt to get a glimpse of the part of me that once was... It has been meant to help me get a little tangible piece of "myself" back again..a way for me to learn more about the woman I now am and to help this foreign body feel a bit more like home.
I guess you could say that since I was diagnosed with caner in 2008 I haven't felt like myself. I went from feeling like a young 23 year old newlywed to feeling like a damaged, scarred woman. A woman that I did not know.
The 6 months following my neck dissection and partial tongue glossectomy I was completely lost. I can remember collecting all the pictures for the post that I did on my progress after surgery and thinking to myself that I will never be the same person again. Everything from looking, sounding, feeling like "myself" would never be the same. Add chemo, radiation, another neck dissection scar, feeding tube & port scars...and the big ticket item of loosing my hair...I was looking at myself in the mirror only to see yet a totally different woman than the last.
A woman with a speech impediment, a totally different face shape, edema, half my hair, and some not so great looking scars.
No, I did not loose all my hair but there is no other feeling that can compare to standing in the shower pulling out chunks of hair...Feeling like the last little part of my identity that I could recognize was being stripped from me....My long hair is something that had been with me for so long...I felt like it was a big part of me.
I say this as the woman I have become and I am still struggling to get to know....I did not choose cancer. It chose me. I did not choose to cut my hair off. It was taken from me...This challenge was a desperate attempt to get a glimpse of the part of me that once was... It has been meant to help me get a little tangible piece of "myself" back again..a way for me to learn more about the woman I now am and to help this foreign body feel a bit more like home.
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